The Asian Tour of Pain

Nine months since the braces went on, and everything is going according to plan, though very slowly.

I'm in the elastic band stage, which supposedly helps line up my bite. The elastics my ortho gives out uses countries to identify the size and strength of the bands, which I guess is useful. I started out with Japan, which seemed uncomfortable at the time, but not too bad. I now realize that Japan is a far nicer place to be than Thailand. Thailand bands are small and extremely strong. It's not been fun.

I'm glad that ibuprofen is plentiful.

Ask Me Later If It Was Worth It

I had my braces adjusted again yesterday. The last wayward tooth is finally bonded (orthodontist speak for putting a bracket on it and hooking it up to the wire). This particular tooth was set back behind its neighbors, so I had to wear a coil spring and power chain (for three months) to make room for it first. And yes, coil springs and power chains are as much fun as they sound.

The upside? Without all of that metal in my mouth, my braces definitely look less conspicuous, and my teeth look more normal than they ever have before.

The downside? The wayward tooth, having happily hung out where it was for the past twenty years, is not taking to being pulled into a new position very well. It hurts. A lot. I've been sucking down ibuprofen since yesterday morning. And I'm channeling my pain-related bitchiness by swearing a lot. I have found that liberal use of the word "fuck" helps deal with the situation. As in, "My fucking tooth hurts so fucking much! I've taken six fucking Advil, and the fucking pain will not fucking go away!"

Okay, so it's not the most ladylike way to behave, but it gets me through the day.



[Listening to: "Downtown" by Peaches]

An Orthodontic Catalog

Today I had my fourth adjustment of my braces. The first three were pretty simple - just lig changes. I think my orthodontist was duping me into a false sense of security with easy adjustments, because now the gloves have come off.

My mouth is now a veritable catalog of orthodontic appliances. The full list includes:

• Metal brackets
• Ceramic brackets ("social six")
• Size 16 round NiTi archwires
• Clear ligs
• Purple ligs
• Powerchain between teeth 4 and 6
• Coil spring between teeth 6 and 8
• Wire ties to hold the coil spring

All I can say is "ouch", because saying much of anything right now hurts like hell. Pass the Advil.


[Listening to: "Hey Pretty" by Poe]

The Unintentional Diet

Right now, I'm in the throes of some major reworking of my teeth. And most of it is because I'm some kind of freak of genetics (thanks, Dad). I had a third set of teeth. Of course, nobody realized it until some of the third set started growing in. Now most people are familiar with the process that occurs when baby teeth are being replaced with adult teeth - the baby tooth falls out, and the adult tooth grows in. Not so with the third set. The second set just stays in, jockeying for position with the newcomers.

So I ended up having major surgery when I was a kid to remove the teeth that hadn't grown in (which was the birth of my hatred of dentistry), but there wasn't much they could do about the chaos that had already occurred. So I've been walking around with extra teeth (and a really screwed-up-looking smile) for about 20 years.

Finally I decided, fuck it, I'm going to get them fixed. Just slap some braces on and wrangle them into position, right? Stupid me, of course it wouldn't be that simple. Some teeth have gotta go. On both sides. Top and bottom. On two separate visits to the dentist. THEN I can have the wires put into the brackets that have just been sitting on my teeth looking stupid for the last 3 weeks.

The upside (I knew I would find one if I looked hard enough) is that having all that work done on my mouth has been a great unintentional weight-loss tool. I can't even eat, much less overeat, anything more solid than potato soup. But I can fit into clothing sizes that I haven't worn in years. So I guess things even out.