A long time ago, I got one of those eternally-forwarded e-mails whose subject was Things You'll Never Hear A Redneck Say. Along with "I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex." and "I'll have a Heineken." was "Duct tape won't fix that."
Here's an example:
P.S. Sometimes I love having a cell-phone camera.
[Listening to: "Coin-Operated Boy" by The Dresden Dolls]