I have a friend (whose identity I won't reveal, since some of you reading this post may know this person) who has changed drastically, and not in a particularly good way. I considered this person one of the nicest people I knew; someone who was fun, kind, and considerate. Now, said individual seems to have withdrawn to a not-nice place. This person does not seem to have any time for certain friends, and does not deign to answer e-mails or return phone calls (a real pet peeve of mine). Invitations are declined (or ignored). There's also a hardness in this person's personality that wasn't there before.
I know that everyone changes as the accumulation of life events shapes us. But the changes usually aren't that quick and drastic. I'll admit that I'm confused about the whole situation, but I also realize that I can't let the actions of someone else (something I can't control) get me down. So I'll write this off as a lesson learned, with no resentment toward anyone. I think it's best to just go about my own life and let this person figure things out for themselves.
P.S. I know that I've done two serious posts in a row. I'll try to make the next one a bit lighter in tone.
3 comments:
I know what you mean. I have a friend who’s changed drastically as well and not for the good. I thought this person was very intelligent, mature and tactful. Lately I’ve noticed quite a difference. This individual has become less than honest, bitter, and somewhat vengeful. Well, maybe not less than honest so much as they tend to exaggerate. New exhibitionist tendencies have been surprising, reminding me of a high school mentality. This has also been reflected in this person’s choice of topics for conversation, notably in mixed company.
I agree that everyone changes as the accumulation of life events shape us and that the changes are usually more subtle and slower to appear. I’m not confused as much as I am disappointed in my friend. Rather than writing this off as a lesson learned, I’ve tried to start a discourse on this subject to no avail. But now I may just disassociate from the individual. I would reconsider if I felt they wanted to resolve some of their inner turmoil. I wonder if there is an “intervention” for this type of behavior?
To Anonymous:
I only know one person on this blog (the knitpicker herself), so I have no idea who you are or who you're talking about, but your comment is really harsh. Maybe you should ask youself some questions before dropping a friend. Like, has this person had some trauma recently that might explain his behavior? (I'll just assume it's a guy because I can't think of many ways to say "this person"). Do you have the whole story? Did you consider that maybe he didn't really want to talk about his problems, which is not the same as not wanting to deal with them? Or that maybe you brought it up at the wrong time? Are you really concerned for his well being, or are you just upset that he isn't acting like you think he should act? Other than acting weird, has he been a good friend to you? Would he disassociate with you if you were acting strange? Why do you think dropping him will help the situation? Couldn't it make it worse?
I don't know what's going on, but as someone from the outside, it looks like you're being a fair weather friend. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I am.
Dear Anonymous
Wow - it sounds like pot and kettle! "This individual has become less than honest, bitter, and somewhat vengeful. Well, maybe not less than honest so much as they tend to exaggerate." What a great example of an exaggeration.
I know we all have different types of friends in our lives for different reasons. It sounds as if you put this friend in a box and you didn't expect him to be multi-deminsional. Then after you learned more about your friend, you got a little hostile, and started ranting about things you didn't approve of for yourself.
If this is a true friend, which are very hard to find, I would do everything I could to make things right.
Different Anonymous
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